i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
