Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
