Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
