My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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