Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
