My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
