I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
