i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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