never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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