It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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