i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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