He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
