We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
