Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
