Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
