So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
only you would photoshop your dick
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize