i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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