I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So vagazzling was a success
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
