I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
