Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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