all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
