It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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