the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
