he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
