Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
