Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
