Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
