He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
As shirtless as possible
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
