Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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