DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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