that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
