He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
