apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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