Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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