I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
