If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
