fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize