wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
