I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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