This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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