if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My dick has a subreddit
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
