This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
