Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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