Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
