I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
