Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
