So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
