Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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