I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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