He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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