I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Never underestimate the power of titties
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
