when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
