the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
