I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
