It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
