Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
