She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
