Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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