i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
is that a dick in a sweater?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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