Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
