Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
