There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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