The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
