I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize