I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
