So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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