Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
