Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
